pew pew

for purposes of anonymity when this blog hits the bigtime, we'll say there might be a grown person, perhaps in my office, perhaps even in a high level position, that feels the appropriate way to greet co-workers is to shoot imaginary finger guns at them.  perhaps always with sound effects and without any words spoken.  and hypothetically speaking, this behavior has been observed by me so many times that i often feel a compulsive urge...no...NEED to fire back in a different way.  perhaps i'd use an imaginary automatic rifle or a shotgun.  or if i'm feeling fancy, maybe a bow and arrow or a blow dart.  stabbing is out because the sound effects are so lame.  of course when i follow this fantasy to its natural conclusion, i end up fired or WORSE...standing in the hallway with this person (if he or she exists) who is gaping at me at me with no clear understanding of what just transpired.  i'd have to fake slit my wrists right there in the hallway.

i've been listening to an 80's alternative station on apple radio and am dismayed to realize that this choice puts me solidly in the apple corp's crazy cat lady demographic...which is to say that all the ads are for mcdonald's chicken nuggets and lightweight cat litter.  this perplexes me.  just because i like the cure and the smiths doesn't mean i live alone with 19 cats, mindlessly tossing back greasy food units.  true, i am of that certain gender and age where you tend to embrace your crazycatlady-ness if you are indeed destined for that life, but i'm confused about how you get from hyperbolic angst to cats.  unless of course you are talking about the the musical cats, in which hyperbolic angst seems to be the theme. but i digress...my point(?) is that you don't know me like that, apple radio.  don't front.  i'll fake taze the shit outta you.